foreverone87's Xanga

End of 2008

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 04:51:46 GMT

:) well think there would be nice thing to share especially after this.

The seed has blossom to a little plant and its growing by the minute to be a tree. Let's shower it with enough care concern and love to make it into a big tree, the plant called LOVE haha. yep, its confirmed... it has rooted deeply without me knowing. Never has thought about it in the first place, because never expected and never had any expectation. It came just like the wind and creeped in ever so silently.

And never before have i been so crazy and having lots of ideas >.<, not to mention wanting to get even more hahax. Pretty nice to know that things do work... But haven been into any cca though.. no points for me only lol. Work is coming up after the semester. Definitely because dun feel like eating too much from parents also. They are old already =.=

The past is to be remembered.. for the lesson and not the ways. yet still find it hard to not wan revenge O.o this is bad and will be something to hold me back from gaining more wisdom. ahh... the intellects are the new stupid. white is the new black. Weird idealogies coming up also.

Random post for random me. Randomness fills the place :)

Malacca Trip

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:13:55 GMT

Ok, now i'm feeling slightly better now, think its time to blog a bit of my life O.o

Well, it all started quite well haha. Had planned the trip which is not bad as Ming Han and I knew some of the better places to go (well a lot of credit to Ming Han as he bothered to borrow the lonely planet book, while i looked through forums and blogs for some good places down there). We had really nice good food. (but came to know that they are not that good as they seem, because of food poisoning! sigh).

Anyway, today is the 2nd week with my dearie. Alamak, a lot of my friends keep asking for her photo =.=" but i just dun wan to put pressure on my dearie. Later she unhappy then how? haha. She will take photo one day, i know that, just that its not now yet :) maybe camera shy like me. Argh, stupid headache, going to affect me again. looks like the medicine is impt or else everything will start again..

Monday, December 08, 2008

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 10:33:23 GMT

Oh great, self-doubt is at its work again. Yea, correct... Seems like this beast cannot be tamed easily. Just when you think that its in control... its let loose again. And if your reading it, you guess it... I have been thinking a bit too much again. Crap... when can this stop? hmm, i guess when it stop bothering me? haha. Seems like a lot of times i'm just not confident of myself. Remembering the movie, Boltz, wow when the realisation sinks into the little doggy's head... then that it hit hard... lack of super powers, no strength. Looks like courage is a rare gem. Stupidity is ignorance, and dreams are what gives hope. Concentrate, concentrate. I hope i can do it man.

GF/Wife? Why do you have them?

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 02:51:52 GMT

Well, think your can guess why i would be stating this in my blog (if it ever meant that anyone has visited my blog anyway. LOL). For obvious reason, my status has changed already :) well bye bye to single life already haha. Time to move on to unknown plans not set upon, some has said its full of life, vigour, filled with sadness and unlimited amounts of happiness (well that;s for a succesful r/s anyway). Although i still think i am not that yet mature enough to handle affairs of the heart (i'm not a born natural speaker/vocalist/pacifist/lover/you name it). But of course, i'm learning everyday to become a better one :)

Ah, moving on to the topic. That's a very good question for nowadays people to think about. As the number of divorce rates increase with each year and survey shows that the thrend would continue, i think its really time for people to look into the reasons of having a girlfriend and also a wife. Of course, we cannot compare them easily because they are two different stages of a r/s. However it would be good to note that while marriage is more concrete and solid, its doesn't mean that it would be stronger than a r/s of bf/gf also.

Reasons for having them in your life in the first place. I wouldn't want to list anyway coz it would defeat the purpose of it but for food for thoughts, well this is what i think 1) to share whatever happiness (and sorrows but mind =.=" who wants it anyway). 2) having a emergency person beside you that would respond when you need it the most? 3) a shelter in case any other thing happened? 4) secrets! to forge a bond? haha

Well, seems superficial to me but i do think what love is would meant a lot more. I haven't yet discover but that's all i can think of in the first place haha. If you want friends, well your buddies would fill the criteria a lot easier, love from family would be a shelter, enough to storm all (at least for most cases? i hope so anyway). and well, sharing is done to anyone and everyone also?. Secrets is a tricky thing also haha. Its involves a lot of trust going on anyway.

After PPT... guilty?

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 14:50:31 GMT

Ok, something happened that made me think really really hard about it that had happened... During the presentation for one of my module... i had an impromptu presentation on the problems and solutions to the mini-project that was done. I had, imo, bastard my group members. Damn, why the hell did i do that man? Well, all i can say was i think... i am a coward man. Its like the intention in itself was bad enough. Its like putting the blame on others. WTF was i thinking man? While the presentation was on going, i really felt weird because kind of like er what the hell happened down there. I really think my devil in me has taken over me.

Seriously i think i need to seek some help man. I did speak to one of my friend... mh about this situation. Although there may be reasons to justify the way i point it out, but definitely i do not have high EQ at that moment. Damn, i really need to collect my feelings and mind to say the "correct" thing next time. sianz....

But on a side note, i really hope the project was refreshing given a different idea on it since a lot of them did videos while we did animation. Damn, still guilty about it... haiz... well i hope to do something to make it up for them sia..

Uni Life...

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:45:25 GMT

Oh hi, i'm back after like sometime away.

Some updates to my life, went to took up another job offer. Lawson Software, doing as a telemarketer. And like omg lol the receptionist actually can start to recognise my voice. This is definitely very bad for me haha. Not much time working down there, so didn't get to know much people. But got a namecard at least? haha.

Then school orientation started. Got to meet new people, (wah only saw 2-3 friends in my school.) Lots of new people to know. Some of them quite quiet, dun like to meet people haha. tried to interact but.. failed lol. But at least it start to break the ice once people get ot know each other. Well, managed to get 3 phone numbers and two emails.

Lots of photos taken, by the ogl. Hope the photos are uploaded faster so can tag and save them haha!. Its pretty nice and funny most of them. I believe more will come.

Hmm, looking at my own mortality and limitations, a lot of times i really see myself not being forceful enough. Must i always do things that make people see what they are doing? I really hate doing it but what to do? I just hope i do not have to be the one spoiling moods and talking sense...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:17:47 GMT

Woah, Another Big time lag. Well, Been having lots of things happening, (kind of happy because at least i got things to say about now , ) so Think i should start to pick up from where i left off.

After February's Blog, I got a new job on the go. Inside ONE15 Marina Club, working at the marina dept. Overall, I'm glad to know that at least i do know i can work, which is a good thing because I have started to doubt myself and my abilities after a long time inside Sunshine Empire. Its weird to have this thought again of it, because i really do hope i can just forget about the past. But its not easy, even for a lot of people. The scars will ever be there no matter what it is.

Down at the marina dept, i learnt to really put what i learnt in Sunshine Empire to good use (well i do hope i have make some changes and improved the working quality but seems like what they say is true, no matter how much effort you put in, the results are not going to corelate with it.). Well good use can refer to making things worst or for the better. But i always look at the fundamentals. If the fundamentals are crazily wrong, then nothing at the end will work if we do not solve the fundamentals problem. Initially i thought that its really the things i do that have made my boss (supervisor to be exact) angry, and getting lectures, stress and the rest are just part and parcels of what the work is all about. Too bad its my naive thinking. I have looked into the way things are working, and found that really, it doesn't matter whether the team is strong or not, all it needs is just one person thinking selfishly for himself and the rest of the team falls apart, or should i say not in tune. Schemes, Backstabbing becomes part and parcel because their existence has been threatened. People do not wish to change and end up changing others so that he do not need to change. Screw it man. What kind of thought is that?

But imperfection will always exist, due to this thing of illogical people trying to do logical things. Fundamentally, we are illogical due to the emotions and the "beast" in yourself. People can do all they want to convince themselves that they are right, but what is right and wrong? nothing is. Its just social norms to think what is right and what is wrong. But its too philosophical if i put it this way. So we just bluff ourselves that there is a right and wrong.

I do feel that things are to be done in the correct way, although at certain times we really got to learn to be flexible and resolve it through a different concept. All we need is a common goal and result to achieve. Well, that's where creativity comes in.

I have seen my weakness time and again in what i have done. It happened in JC. It has happened again, in my work place. Like what they say, certain things need to be done the hard way, there's no way that we can spare the one that cause the troubles. My weakness... the art of forgiving people who mistreats no matter what. Which is also my str. But i do know that i bear grudges, especially those that betrayed my trust. I really sincerely hope that everyone is good, and i really wish to see them that way, but things happened has happened, and from there, i can see selfishness (well i myself has in some aspect been selfish, when i'm in army, primary school, aye, the guilt).

But now i'm confused by myself, what is it that i need to really improve on? I'm not sure what else i can do but to keep reading up and also to interact with more people to find out.

The affairs of the heart. I'm guilty, that i'm very unsure of what love is at all. Its a very profound emotion that can cause people to do what they normally would not do and would not have the capability. The limitless possibilities of actions that propel people to do things. I'm in murky waters in this area. I cannot understand what's the difference between my own feelings and the love, lust or passion. What is what, i cannot understand for now. I have spoken to my friends about it, and the conclusion that i got is the initial stage of attraction that sparks what i might be doing. Miscommunication between what is real and what is not. I might go into disillusion if i do not pick out the source/root of the problem. I do admit i'm attracted to people that gives off really vibrant life. But underneath that vibrance, it sparks a fear in me. The choice i made, its gonna shape the kind of personality and mind i do have. Losing myself is definitely not the way, as i have found out b4. Big or small, change do matter. Just like the butterfly effect.

I'm normal, yet not normal anymore. I think what i have thought and not thought, could i just be a simple man anymore? I wish i could. :) but anyway its time to move on and hold the future.

Night jogs, cycling, training, job.

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:14:56 GMT

Well, lots of things, or maybe not so lots of things. Being honest like i am last time, i probably would have hit the road and been made use of much much more than now. Crap, this society is so black and white, and lots of gray. Either i'm too straightforward or this is like only the "innovator" with the "weirdest" and out of the box skills wins. I agree that its true, so what can we do?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 12:52:58 GMT

HELLO!

Ok, that is quite comforting to write it. Not many things happened these days but heck? 3 weeks ago i started working at one of the banks. Well basic admin job, probably should have asked for a contract job instead. But anyway its quite good money compare to other F&B areas. And seriously, think its time to stop fooling around and start to self-upgrade myself with books and other noots. Been really playing around too much since i started working, on the computer etc... although i have lots of knowledge but not put to use will make me forget them, not to mention that once i start to go into university... but anyway i'm happy enough to be independent. I just hope i can really stop depending on my parents. And seriously start to walk towards financial freedom(aka retirement!!). Quite a long time already since i started to plan. But my goals aren;t easily reached. coz i cannot settle for a small amount. Hmm, one thing though, i really hate unit trust these days. I rather go into many areas individually and settle the income statement myself, then give the managers a chance to earn, coz seriously i dun think i need their expertise.? hmm maybe now i see it this way, coz i am into finance. but economics is a very broad subject. hmm... what to do?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 09:43:34 GMT

Guess its time for some major updates, more detailed than last. Well let's talk about the present pressing issues for now.

Work, what kind of job should i go and apply and where should i start to look out for them? Newspapers? advertising? paper? referral? yea lots of ways to look for job, just thinking whether i would be suitable to work in those places in the first place, taking into account what my character is like and what are my abilities. For now, i know only that 1)i'm very sensitive to numbers. Well everyone is sensitive to numbers, and basically what kind of job deals in lots of numbers? i'm also not sure but i do know that i need lots of data entry to work well in this kind of environment, so there aren't much job suitable. 2) i cannot take too much a stressful environment. Well this is very very tricky. How the hell am i going to even work if i cannot take stress at all? hmm, this is really very bad considering the stress outside the world. But i guess if you love the job, there wouldn't be any stress to speak of... yet i do know sales and marketing wouldn't be in my list definitely for now. :)